Never Lose Hope

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I have been seeing posts from my facebook friends who are in the same boat as me - that is being the only parent for their children. A few of them have been posting their frustrations on their timeline and I cannot understand why they see their situation as a problem. Yes, I agree that being the only parent can be difficult at times especially about finances but there are more reasons to celebrate in being one. 

The only frustration I have is not having enough money to give my daughter a better life. However, I haven't given up hope because I know that by being honest with my daughter, she will understand what I can and cannot give her. The solution is to constantly communicate with your children and make them feel that having money is not everything. What is more important is how they accept your family's situation and make the most out of it. 

You, as the only parent, on the other hand should never, ever lose hope and believe that one day, everything will fall into their proper places. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

What is your Priority?

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I must admit that I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now. It is now March 9 and this is my first post for 2016. Talk about lazy...

Anyway, 2016 started with me worrying about my financial status. You see, I live paycheck to paycheck. Half of my monthly salary goes to tuition fees and the other half goes to bills, allowances, etc...  Is it just laziness or what?

Please don't judge me. I chose to work in a company that would allow me to go on leave every time I need to be present in my daughter's life. Before I accepted this job, I only had one request - that if my daughter needs me, I will not be at work. This include parent-teacher conferences, school activities that require a parent in attendance, doctors appointment, and so on...

My friends would always refer me to companies who are hiring but I am always hesitant. Imagine me having to work for a big company that would only allow me a few days off work. I don't think that would cater to my role as the only parent.

I was able to talk with a former classmate and we were discussing about this and she mentioned that it was just a matter of priorities. She, for example, would hire maids and nannies to take care of her children's need and concentrate on her business rather than play a more proactive role in her children's life. True! It is a matter of priorities and I chose my daughter than any high paying job. So please, don't judge me.


I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today with this blog. Decide which is more important to you and make it work!


Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Part Time Solo Parent

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I have friends who are married but their husbands are either working in another place or working at different hours than the normal. I describe them as Part Time Solo Parent because most of the time, they are the ones doing the parenting at home. One day, one of them (the one whose husband works the night shift) called me. She was saying that she misses her husband especially at night when he needs to go to work. Her only companions at home are their children. She misses having someone to do chores, to talk, to bond and to sleep with at home. 

I say that instead of focusing on the nights that the husband is not at home, try to focus on the anticipation of a whole weekend with the husband. Make a to-do list. One day can be a family bonding time and one day can be a date night. Of course it will not be easy because of the many other things that needs to be taken care of BUT you still have the time and you should use it wisely. 

Anticipation and Time Management is the key to making more memories together.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Sad Monday

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Yes, that is right. Today I feel sad. Why? Because there are many things in my life right now that is not going my way. But let me tell you that feeling sad is not only for us the only parent. People who have a whole family often have these kind of days as well. Do not relate being the only parent to sad days. We may feel this from time to time but it doesn't mean that we can't do something about it. I am writing this because I want you my dear readers to know that it is okay to feel this way. It is not something that only select people feel. Everybody has sad days. It may stem from anger, frustrations and even a bad hair day. The only solution to this is to think that tomorrow, the sun will shine again and another day will be given to you to tell the world that you are happy. 

Whatever it is that is making you feel sad today, remember that we can do this! Drown your sorrows away and believe that there will be more happy days to come...

Have a great Monday loves...

Much love,

The Only Parent ( T.O.P.)

Dream Big

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I was almost 26 years old when I had my daughter. I had to stop working because of the pregnancy and since I gave birth, I haven't been financially stable till now. When I turned 40 last year, I knew I had to do something about it. My daughter will be in college soon and I am not financially able to finance what she wanted to take. And now, a year later, I have not done anything to ensure a bigger income. My life is again turning into shambles due to problems beyond my control. All I have been doing is think of these problems, feel sad and sulk. 

Don't you think it's time for me to do something? YES! Let's do this! For those of you who are in the same boat, let's do this! Dream big! We can do it!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Making the Right Decision

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How would you know if you are making the right decision for your child? I know that it is hard to decide if you are the only one weighing the pros and cons of a situation. However, you need not go through it alone. You have family and friends to help you in your decisions. You can even go online, do research and/or read online forums. It is relatively easy if you know where to turn to during these times. 

Let me give you an example. When I was looking for a high school for my daughter, I first checked for proximity. It was very important to me because I wanted to be there immediately for emergencies and other after school activities when school service is not available. Since there are a lot of schools nearby, I narrowed it to three and research the schools online. Of course I also have to take into consideration the tuition since I am the only parent paying for it. Then, I discussed the advantages and disadvantages of each school to other members of the family and some friends. And then, my daughter and I decided which school we wanted.

It was easy right? The important thing to remember when confronted with a situation is not to panic. If ever we make the wrong decision, we just have to move on and learn from it. Being the only parent is not a hindrance to us and our children. We should have the I can attitude and face life head on. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Back to School

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Vacation is over and it's now time for our kids to go back to school. I am pretty sure that by now you are thinking about how you can afford to pay the tuition, transportation and food for your school kids. Me, I shudder at the thought. You see I have been the only one paying for my daughter's school tuition since nursery. She's supposed to graduate High School next year but K to 12 came in the picture. So that is 2 more extra tuition payment for me. The problem is, I live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have those emergency money that I can withdraw from if push comes to shove. I don't have extra cash on hand and I don't have the budget for anything. 

This is the dilemma that most solo parents have. What do we do? Well, we just pray and hope that when the next payment is due, we will have the money to pay for it. I am not here to lecture you about saving for the rainy days. I am here to tell you that these things happen. No matter how much you are willing to save, there will always be something you need to buy. Most articles about saving money is only for those who have money to save. It is not for us who just don't have the extra cash. 

But there is still hope. We can do this. We just have to be more careful in our purchases and if possible, buy only when absolutely needed and if on sale. Good luck and let me know how you get by.

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)

We Can Do It!

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I have been the only parent to my now 15 year old daughter for more than 13 years. It was a choice not to pursue my relationship with the dad knowing that it would take us nowhere. With this blog, I want to empower solo parents in their journey to independence. BUT don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce, annulment or separation. This blog is all about arming solo parents in their journey to solo parenting. There is no substitute for a "loving 2-parent family", however, we could not ignore the fact that more and more families are on their way to being separated. And The Only Parent is my way of saying - "WE CAN DO IT!"

So from this blog entry onwards, the "WE CAN DO IT" attitude will be front and center in all the articles I will be writing. Feel free to post your questions, problems and queries. I will try to reply the soonest possible time. 

As of today, I only have one social media site. Please follow me on twitter @TheOnlyParent4U

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Adapt!

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I came across an article about an accident in a father-son school trip in one of the exclusive boys school here in Manila. But I will not dwell on that today. I was just wondering what happened to the students who lives in solo parent homes and do not have their father with them. Who do they bring to these activities? Or maybe they just don't participate. I'm curious and feels sorry for the students who don't have their dads with them.

I think schools in particular should adapt to the times. Single/Solo parent homes are now considered normal. There are children who are being taken care of by relatives because their parents are working abroad.There are children whose parents have passed. If you call an activity as a father-son, mother-daughter, father-daughter or mother-son activity, then it will discriminate those without mom/dads living with them.  Isn't it time for schools to plan activities that will not discriminate? I know that "discrimination" is such a strong word but the moment you disqualify a student in an activity where he/she cannot participate in, then that's discrimination to me.

If only school officials can educate themselves on what's happening to the outside world, we could all move forward and adapt to changes. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)