What is your Priority?

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I must admit that I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now. It is now March 9 and this is my first post for 2016. Talk about lazy...

Anyway, 2016 started with me worrying about my financial status. You see, I live paycheck to paycheck. Half of my monthly salary goes to tuition fees and the other half goes to bills, allowances, etc...  Is it just laziness or what?

Please don't judge me. I chose to work in a company that would allow me to go on leave every time I need to be present in my daughter's life. Before I accepted this job, I only had one request - that if my daughter needs me, I will not be at work. This include parent-teacher conferences, school activities that require a parent in attendance, doctors appointment, and so on...

My friends would always refer me to companies who are hiring but I am always hesitant. Imagine me having to work for a big company that would only allow me a few days off work. I don't think that would cater to my role as the only parent.

I was able to talk with a former classmate and we were discussing about this and she mentioned that it was just a matter of priorities. She, for example, would hire maids and nannies to take care of her children's need and concentrate on her business rather than play a more proactive role in her children's life. True! It is a matter of priorities and I chose my daughter than any high paying job. So please, don't judge me.


I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today with this blog. Decide which is more important to you and make it work!


Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Keep Calm

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It has been a series of emotional roller coaster ride for me the last 2 weeks. My daughter has some health concerns and I am worried big time. I have been worrying since her last check up and she still has to undergo a series of tests in the very near future. Since I am the only parent, I turn to family and friends when deciding what to do. As I have mentioned in my past posts, you always need to find that support group who can help you if not financially, at least, emotionally. I always tell my friends first when something concerns my daughter. They are the ones who analyzes situations for me and help me decide what's best. My family I turn to when I have decided and I need them to help me financially or just be there to help any time I need it. 

There will still be many days in the future that you would have these worry days. As your child/children grow, the level of worrying increases. In the 15 years that I have my daughter, I still worry about everything when it comes to her. That is why I admire those who have 2 or more kids. That's worrying times 2 or more! LOL!

Keep Calm my dear only parent. We Can Do THIS! 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Dream Big

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I was almost 26 years old when I had my daughter. I had to stop working because of the pregnancy and since I gave birth, I haven't been financially stable till now. When I turned 40 last year, I knew I had to do something about it. My daughter will be in college soon and I am not financially able to finance what she wanted to take. And now, a year later, I have not done anything to ensure a bigger income. My life is again turning into shambles due to problems beyond my control. All I have been doing is think of these problems, feel sad and sulk. 

Don't you think it's time for me to do something? YES! Let's do this! For those of you who are in the same boat, let's do this! Dream big! We can do it!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Can I Do It?

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There are days when we question ourselves. Can I do it? Will I survive this? This is one of those days when I am trying to look at me and my daughter's future but all I see is haze. Something is bugging me for a long time now and it involves my daughter's future. How can I say no if it is what she wants. Can I afford it? The answer now is no but should I stop her? Should I try and change her mind? 

I will think about this dilemma for a long time but hopefully, it will all be okay. One thing is for sure, I will do everything in my power to ensure a bright future for her. 

I can do it!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Back to School

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Vacation is over and it's now time for our kids to go back to school. I am pretty sure that by now you are thinking about how you can afford to pay the tuition, transportation and food for your school kids. Me, I shudder at the thought. You see I have been the only one paying for my daughter's school tuition since nursery. She's supposed to graduate High School next year but K to 12 came in the picture. So that is 2 more extra tuition payment for me. The problem is, I live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have those emergency money that I can withdraw from if push comes to shove. I don't have extra cash on hand and I don't have the budget for anything. 

This is the dilemma that most solo parents have. What do we do? Well, we just pray and hope that when the next payment is due, we will have the money to pay for it. I am not here to lecture you about saving for the rainy days. I am here to tell you that these things happen. No matter how much you are willing to save, there will always be something you need to buy. Most articles about saving money is only for those who have money to save. It is not for us who just don't have the extra cash. 

But there is still hope. We can do this. We just have to be more careful in our purchases and if possible, buy only when absolutely needed and if on sale. Good luck and let me know how you get by.

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)

We Can Do It!

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I have been the only parent to my now 15 year old daughter for more than 13 years. It was a choice not to pursue my relationship with the dad knowing that it would take us nowhere. With this blog, I want to empower solo parents in their journey to independence. BUT don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce, annulment or separation. This blog is all about arming solo parents in their journey to solo parenting. There is no substitute for a "loving 2-parent family", however, we could not ignore the fact that more and more families are on their way to being separated. And The Only Parent is my way of saying - "WE CAN DO IT!"

So from this blog entry onwards, the "WE CAN DO IT" attitude will be front and center in all the articles I will be writing. Feel free to post your questions, problems and queries. I will try to reply the soonest possible time. 

As of today, I only have one social media site. Please follow me on twitter @TheOnlyParent4U

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Mom's Day!

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It's mother's day this weekend and I want to make a special greeting to all solo moms and dads as well. I noticed that my blog is mostly written for solo moms but most of them also apply to solo dads as well. 

I was out for a month for a vacation with my daughter. We had a great time together and although we don't have much financially, we were able to take this month long vacation with the help of family. I am telling you this because being the only parent, you would need the support of family and friends. Do not shut out people around you. Do not be too proud to think that you can do it alone because you can't. You will need the support of anyone who can help. This is to ensure that you can live an almost normal life without getting stressed out everyday. 

So this Mother's Day weekend, why not do something special for yourself? Go out and enjoy the day with your children. Or if you don't have the budget for it (which happens often - believe me I know the feeling), you can stay home and bond with your kids. Play a board game, cook together or whatever it is you can do to make this day more special. Build memories and enjoy!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Adapt!

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I came across an article about an accident in a father-son school trip in one of the exclusive boys school here in Manila. But I will not dwell on that today. I was just wondering what happened to the students who lives in solo parent homes and do not have their father with them. Who do they bring to these activities? Or maybe they just don't participate. I'm curious and feels sorry for the students who don't have their dads with them.

I think schools in particular should adapt to the times. Single/Solo parent homes are now considered normal. There are children who are being taken care of by relatives because their parents are working abroad.There are children whose parents have passed. If you call an activity as a father-son, mother-daughter, father-daughter or mother-son activity, then it will discriminate those without mom/dads living with them.  Isn't it time for schools to plan activities that will not discriminate? I know that "discrimination" is such a strong word but the moment you disqualify a student in an activity where he/she cannot participate in, then that's discrimination to me.

If only school officials can educate themselves on what's happening to the outside world, we could all move forward and adapt to changes. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Do Not Be Afraid

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I wanted to write this post when I heard over the radio about a woman whose husband, a police officer, was killed in the line of duty. She is afraid that her children will now grow up without the support and guidance of their father. I sympathize with this woman but I want all my readers to know that if you are in the same situation, Do Not Be Afraid. Losing the father of your children whatever the circumstance will not make your children less of a man or a woman. 

The manner in which a child becomes fatherless will make a huge impact but it will not hinder them from growing up right with the proper guidance and support. It will not be the end of the world for them and nothing will stop them from pursuing their dreams. Remember that there are families in the same situation yet they all survive the daily grinds of life.

The most important thing that an only parent must do is to keep calm and assess the situation. There can be instances when you think that a situation is hopeless without the other parent but believe me when I say that nothing is hopeless. You just need to know what your priorities are and you will be surprised how other people adapt to your situation. Do Not Be Afraid to face life head on and you will be amaze how you will come out of it. 

Much love.

The Only Parent (TOP)

TEEEEENAGERS!!!

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I have a 15 year old at home and I don't know what to do. Well, I'm sure most of you who have teenagers are in the same boat as I am. Teenagers for moms are the hardest to understand. They can be talkative one day and clam up the next day. Talking to them is like talking to the wall. You don't get any reply and if you do, you can only hear a grunt which may mean yes or no. There are days when they don't want to come out of their room and lay in bed the whole day and there are times that they want to go out with their friends everyday as if they don't see enough of them in school. 

So what do we do? The truth is I don't know. But I can give you a few pointers that I have tried. For starters, when I see her at home, I'll greet her and see if her tone is a "don't talk to me" tone. If it is, I leave her alone and only call her to eat or if I have something important to tell her. If she is in a good mood, then, I encourage her to tell me how her day went and what she did that day or we just talk about anything or anyone she wants. However, I don't tolerate this behavior for more than 2 days at a time. I respect her moods but I don't tolerate it. After several run-ins with her when she was just starting to have her "moods", she now knows when to come down from it and talk to me.

Now let me tell you how I don't ruin her day. I try to adjust to her moods because I don't want any conflicts with her. REMEMBER that you have to respect them but don't let them abuse your tolerance. 

-We are not morning people so my daughter is the same. I wake her up for school but as much as possible, I don't talk to her while she does her morning routine. 

-When I hear a grunt reply on a question, it would mean she's not in the talking mode so I leave her alone for the moment. 

-When it's the time of the month she gets her period and  feels pain and just wants to lie in bed the whole day. I know this feeling so I leave her alone.

Hope this helps you understand your teenagers more.

Much Love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Suitors!

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Calm down folks. We will not be talking about me here. This is for solo moms with daughters. How do you deal with it? Well, I have experienced it and my decision was questioned BUT I think I had the last laugh. You see, it is inevitable that our daughters will be courted. However, you have to be firm when you set the rules I believe that 15 is too young so 35 is the right age. LOL! I am just joking. Us parents should decide early on the age our daughters can be courted. Then let your daughter know and be firm about it. There may be bumps along the way but I am pretty sure that you can decide what's best for her.

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)

Time Management

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Recently, I had to adjust my life because of some unforeseen problems. I used to just go to work and not worry what my daughter will eat when she comes home from school and what to eat for dinner. But then, there are times when you just have to do what you gotta do. 

So now, I am being a little domesticated which I really hate but since I have no choice I need to start doing things I have no idea how to. Maybe it's about time to learn.

I am NOT telling you all these because I am complaining. I am telling you all of these because it is possible to do all these with time management. For only parents, single moms, solo parents or whatever you call it, IT IS POSSIBLE to do everything with a little support and lots of patience. 

You can do it MOM! 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Happy Father's Day MOM!

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Today I honor all solo moms and only parent to their children. With the enormous task of juggling your role to be both the dad and mom to your children, you have given them the greatest gift of all - LOVE. Continue to be great and continue to love your children twice as much as others! Your children truly have the best of both worlds. 

Happy Father's day Mom!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Being Honest

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I believe that being honest with our kids is the best way to raise them. As I have mentioned before, I have been very vocal and honest with my daughter regarding her dad, the circumstances that led to our separation and how I felt about it. Just the other night, we had another story session in the car while traveling home from a party. This time around, I told her some of our family's secrets. Although she is only 14 year old, I know that she can understand well and it won't her in any way. 

Many of you may disagree with me but the truth is, I felt it was time to tell her the truth and at the same time, teach her some lessons regarding the mistakes we made in the past. Our 1 hour ride proved to be a great time to let her know our family better. She was curious and careful with her questions. I tried to explain the best possible way that I know she can understand. It was really worth the ride. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

My Child, My Rules

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Never ever let anyone tell you how to raise your own kids. This is what I learned for the past 14 years of being the only parent to my daughter. Notice how people always have an opinion on how you handle and raise your kids? They are quick to criticize and talk about what you are doing wrong. Guess what?! They don't have perfect children! Their children are no better than yours. 

When I gave birth to my daughter, I always asked for help since I have no idea what I was doing. I listen to their tips but somehow I tend to not follow what they tell me. I don't know why but my "mother's instinct" kicked in as soon as I had her. I do everything my own way except for some things that I thought sounds realistic. When someone is quick to find fault, I prove them wrong and eventually no one tells me what to do anymore unless I ask.

As my daughter grew up, questions on how I raise my daughter often comes up. They would question my decisions on how I deal with her, how I "spoil" her, why I often let her do what she wants and why I almost always buy her what she wants if budget permits. Well, you can question all you want but please know that how I raise my child is of no consequence to you. If I did wrong, then I will suffer for it and learn more along the way. If I am right, then I am happy. Simple as that. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Friends?

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Can you be friends with your ex? If you asked me 5 years ago, I would have said no or even impossible. But as the years go by, and you have really moved on, you can actually be friends with you ex. You may never forget the reason why it didn't work but little by little, you can erase the hate and maybe, just maybe, you can forgive each other and be friends.

If you are fresh out of a failed relationship, you may not entertain this thought. I know how you feel. I won't even consider talking to my ex before. These things take time and you don't have to rush yourself. You can be civil at first then gradually when it doesn't hurt anymore, you can slowly be friends again. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Past, Present and Future

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By now, you should have let go of the past because we all know that we cannot do anything about it anymore. The present is more important as you want  to do the best that you can to nurture and bring up your child in a loving environment. While you are planning the things you have to do today, do not forget to plan ahead and make sure that the future of your children is secured. But how do we do that?

Right now, I am worried. Yes, you heard me right. I am worried for the future of my daughter. She is now in high school and every tuition payment day, I find myself worrying more and more. I am afraid that I would not be able to pay the school's tuition on time. This has been a constant worry that I have to endure every school year. Hearing that college tuition fees are more than double what I pay today, I am starting to get scared. My salary is still not enough for us to live comfortably and yet, everyday of my life, I worry about not being able to pay my bills and not having enough for life's necessities. 

Today is one of those days. My daughter is now in Grade 8 and 4 more years, she'll be in college. By that time, I should have at least saved for 2 years of college fees. Although I still don't know how I will do that, I'll stay positive and pray that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my daughter's education...

Until then... I will just save and save and save...

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Decisions for Life

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Making decisions regarding your child/children can be hard at times when you are the only parent. It can be a hit or miss thing but you have to be tough and decide according to your conscience. You will not be able to consult a significant other when the time comes but hey, if you are friends with the dad, go ahead and discuss things with him first before deciding. 

Me, I decide and tell the dad after. LOL! It may seem funny but I think that it is my right to decide for our daughter since I am the only one caring for her. I make the decisions and I just tell the dad if I want to. Otherwise, I am pretty much confident that I'll make the right ones for my daughter.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

The Middle Ground

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Being friends with the other parent is achievable. That is if you are not abused in any way. After a few months or even a few years, you will be able to accept all the things that happened between you and your ex significant other. By this time, you can have a decent conversation with your ex and you can talk about your children without shouting at each other.

Since me and my ex separated, I always thought that we can stay as far away from each other as possible. However, since we have common friends, we always see each other during parties and get-together. You can always feel the tension in the room when we are both there. I don't know the exact time and date, but eventually, we would text each other and start talking when we are together. 

Now, I can say that I have finally left everything behind. I felt that a big rock was lifted off from my shoulders. I am not bitter anymore and I treat him like a brother now. All's well that ends well.

Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

The Teenage Years

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The hardest part of being the only parent to your children is maintaining a balance in your relationship. Their is no good cop/bad cop here. It's either they love you or they hate you. My 14 year old daughter is now in a stage where she doesn't talk much. She spends her time mostly in front of her laptop watching videos, tweeting and updating all her social networking accounts. Most of the time, she will only talk to me when she needs something. So what do I do?

Nothing really. I let her be as long as she doesn't step out of boundaries. It is important to let her know when I can be a friend and when I am the mom. I am thankful that I had a daughter because if I had a boy, I wouldn't know what to do. In the meantime, all I have to do right now is to make sure that she knows her limits and I have to snoop once in a while just to check if everything is alright with her.

I wouldn't know if circumstances will be different if her father is a constant figure in her life. However, since he is not, then all I can do is to try my very best to be both the dad and the mom - plus the driver, the nanny at times and a friend...

Much love, 

T.O.P (The Only Parent)