Couples Night Out? Oh no, I am single!

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 I haven't posted for quite a while now because, well, an only parent is always busy... So, I decided to write another entry now because of an incident a few days ago between us friends. Our group is composed of high school friends (more than 20 years of friendship) and we have this chat group where we always plan our dinners and get-together which is not as often as we want to. Since everyone already have their own family, a dinner date is hard to set. Last week, we were planning a dinner date again when somebody asked if we were going to bring the children or not. Then another friend wrote almost immediately - "Couples only" and then after a few seconds, typed "sorry".

Obviously, the sorry was for me since I am the only one without a partner in the group. I was not offended because I knew that she really didn't meant what she said. It was not an insult to me and I knew she only meant that only adults will go. She kept on apologizing even if she knew that it was alright for me. I have nothing against her and I didn't made a fuss about it.

So what's my point in this story? Well, please don't pity yourself when couple friends go out together. You don't need to be there and let us just respect them if they want to go out with other couples. Not going with them doesn't mean you can't have a good time. It only means that they want to enjoy their spouses without any odd man out. You can also have a date night with your kids and it will be as fun as any couples night. And it can turn out to be a great bonding night with your kids.


Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Time Management

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Recently, I had to adjust my life because of some unforeseen problems. I used to just go to work and not worry what my daughter will eat when she comes home from school and what to eat for dinner. But then, there are times when you just have to do what you gotta do. 

So now, I am being a little domesticated which I really hate but since I have no choice I need to start doing things I have no idea how to. Maybe it's about time to learn.

I am NOT telling you all these because I am complaining. I am telling you all of these because it is possible to do all these with time management. For only parents, single moms, solo parents or whatever you call it, IT IS POSSIBLE to do everything with a little support and lots of patience. 

You can do it MOM! 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Happy Father's Day MOM!

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Today I honor all solo moms and only parent to their children. With the enormous task of juggling your role to be both the dad and mom to your children, you have given them the greatest gift of all - LOVE. Continue to be great and continue to love your children twice as much as others! Your children truly have the best of both worlds. 

Happy Father's day Mom!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Being Honest

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I believe that being honest with our kids is the best way to raise them. As I have mentioned before, I have been very vocal and honest with my daughter regarding her dad, the circumstances that led to our separation and how I felt about it. Just the other night, we had another story session in the car while traveling home from a party. This time around, I told her some of our family's secrets. Although she is only 14 year old, I know that she can understand well and it won't her in any way. 

Many of you may disagree with me but the truth is, I felt it was time to tell her the truth and at the same time, teach her some lessons regarding the mistakes we made in the past. Our 1 hour ride proved to be a great time to let her know our family better. She was curious and careful with her questions. I tried to explain the best possible way that I know she can understand. It was really worth the ride. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Child Support

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I know that every solo parent has their own opinion about this but I will still share my view on this matter. My blog is The Only Parent meaning I don't receive anything from the father for her daughter. I don't get child support.. I know I have the right to ask but I don't want to. Why? Because I believe that if the father is in his right mind, I don't need to ask. Simple as that. Asking is like begging someone to do something they don't want to. I may not afford everything my daughter needs but I will never ever ask for support from her dad ever. You might think that because I have only one child, I can afford not to ask for child support. Well, that is partially true. If I have 3 or 4 children, I may think about it BUT if I can, I will still not ask.

I believe that child support should be given without you needing to ask and without you having to file a case. Child support is a must. Fathers who take their children seriously should know that it is their responsibility to give their child the support they need in whatever kind. If they can't support their children, then they have no right to be included in their children's lives. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

My Child, My Rules

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Never ever let anyone tell you how to raise your own kids. This is what I learned for the past 14 years of being the only parent to my daughter. Notice how people always have an opinion on how you handle and raise your kids? They are quick to criticize and talk about what you are doing wrong. Guess what?! They don't have perfect children! Their children are no better than yours. 

When I gave birth to my daughter, I always asked for help since I have no idea what I was doing. I listen to their tips but somehow I tend to not follow what they tell me. I don't know why but my "mother's instinct" kicked in as soon as I had her. I do everything my own way except for some things that I thought sounds realistic. When someone is quick to find fault, I prove them wrong and eventually no one tells me what to do anymore unless I ask.

As my daughter grew up, questions on how I raise my daughter often comes up. They would question my decisions on how I deal with her, how I "spoil" her, why I often let her do what she wants and why I almost always buy her what she wants if budget permits. Well, you can question all you want but please know that how I raise my child is of no consequence to you. If I did wrong, then I will suffer for it and learn more along the way. If I am right, then I am happy. Simple as that. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Needs and Wants

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Here is something that will make you think from time to time. When our children were little, it is us who decides the needs and the wants. As they grow older, they would sometime ask for things that they want. It may be the latest gadget, the fashionable clothes and the trendy bags. As the only parent, you may not be in the best position to give everything they need and want. But hey, don't be guilty about it. It is important that you try your best to give the needs and explain to your children the concept of want. Believe me when I say that they will understand as long as you explain them over and over again why they can't always have what they want. You can also use this time to teach them the concept of money - how you can earn, save and spend them. 

Make every problem solving situation a learning experience. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Friends?

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Can you be friends with your ex? If you asked me 5 years ago, I would have said no or even impossible. But as the years go by, and you have really moved on, you can actually be friends with you ex. You may never forget the reason why it didn't work but little by little, you can erase the hate and maybe, just maybe, you can forgive each other and be friends.

If you are fresh out of a failed relationship, you may not entertain this thought. I know how you feel. I won't even consider talking to my ex before. These things take time and you don't have to rush yourself. You can be civil at first then gradually when it doesn't hurt anymore, you can slowly be friends again. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Past, Present and Future

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By now, you should have let go of the past because we all know that we cannot do anything about it anymore. The present is more important as you want  to do the best that you can to nurture and bring up your child in a loving environment. While you are planning the things you have to do today, do not forget to plan ahead and make sure that the future of your children is secured. But how do we do that?

Right now, I am worried. Yes, you heard me right. I am worried for the future of my daughter. She is now in high school and every tuition payment day, I find myself worrying more and more. I am afraid that I would not be able to pay the school's tuition on time. This has been a constant worry that I have to endure every school year. Hearing that college tuition fees are more than double what I pay today, I am starting to get scared. My salary is still not enough for us to live comfortably and yet, everyday of my life, I worry about not being able to pay my bills and not having enough for life's necessities. 

Today is one of those days. My daughter is now in Grade 8 and 4 more years, she'll be in college. By that time, I should have at least saved for 2 years of college fees. Although I still don't know how I will do that, I'll stay positive and pray that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my daughter's education...

Until then... I will just save and save and save...

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Decisions for Life

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Making decisions regarding your child/children can be hard at times when you are the only parent. It can be a hit or miss thing but you have to be tough and decide according to your conscience. You will not be able to consult a significant other when the time comes but hey, if you are friends with the dad, go ahead and discuss things with him first before deciding. 

Me, I decide and tell the dad after. LOL! It may seem funny but I think that it is my right to decide for our daughter since I am the only one caring for her. I make the decisions and I just tell the dad if I want to. Otherwise, I am pretty much confident that I'll make the right ones for my daughter.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

The Middle Ground

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Being friends with the other parent is achievable. That is if you are not abused in any way. After a few months or even a few years, you will be able to accept all the things that happened between you and your ex significant other. By this time, you can have a decent conversation with your ex and you can talk about your children without shouting at each other.

Since me and my ex separated, I always thought that we can stay as far away from each other as possible. However, since we have common friends, we always see each other during parties and get-together. You can always feel the tension in the room when we are both there. I don't know the exact time and date, but eventually, we would text each other and start talking when we are together. 

Now, I can say that I have finally left everything behind. I felt that a big rock was lifted off from my shoulders. I am not bitter anymore and I treat him like a brother now. All's well that ends well.

Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

The Teenage Years

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The hardest part of being the only parent to your children is maintaining a balance in your relationship. Their is no good cop/bad cop here. It's either they love you or they hate you. My 14 year old daughter is now in a stage where she doesn't talk much. She spends her time mostly in front of her laptop watching videos, tweeting and updating all her social networking accounts. Most of the time, she will only talk to me when she needs something. So what do I do?

Nothing really. I let her be as long as she doesn't step out of boundaries. It is important to let her know when I can be a friend and when I am the mom. I am thankful that I had a daughter because if I had a boy, I wouldn't know what to do. In the meantime, all I have to do right now is to make sure that she knows her limits and I have to snoop once in a while just to check if everything is alright with her.

I wouldn't know if circumstances will be different if her father is a constant figure in her life. However, since he is not, then all I can do is to try my very best to be both the dad and the mom - plus the driver, the nanny at times and a friend...

Much love, 

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Glad to Have Let Go

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Another year have passed and my daughter just turned 14. So what did her dad do? Well, he grabbed photos from my FB account, posted it on his to greet his daughter a happy birthday. That's about it! Nothing really change from past years.

Should I be bitter about it? NO! A big NO! Why? Because it really don't matter to us now. The thing about being the only parent is that you don't need to rely on a partner to make your child happy. Your child or children on the other hand doesn't need a father to be loved. I am lucky because my daughter is surrounded by people who love her. I have my parents, my siblings and my friends who make sure that she gets lots of love and affection. And my daughter is lucky to have all of these.

So please, do not worry about your child's future even if a dad is not around. It will be hard at first but as time passes, you will be glad to have let go.


Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Special Occasions and Celebrations

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This is probably the best thing if you are the only parent. You get to choose where you want to spend special occasions. There will be no arguments where you should be on Christmas and where you should celebrate the New Year. For all the years I am a mother, I spent only 2 Christmases and New Years without my side of the family. It was boring! 

For the past 12 years, I spent special occasions without needing to check if we have to spend them on the EX side. Actually, EX would ask her daughter to spend Christmas or New Year with them. But my daughter doesn't want to. And since I don't want to spend special days without her, I don't encourage her to go. So tough luck! Hah! 

So, if you are the only parent, be glad that you don't have to skip occasions to go to his side of the family. It is such a blessing that there will be no arguments from now on. 

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)