Keep Calm

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It has been a series of emotional roller coaster ride for me the last 2 weeks. My daughter has some health concerns and I am worried big time. I have been worrying since her last check up and she still has to undergo a series of tests in the very near future. Since I am the only parent, I turn to family and friends when deciding what to do. As I have mentioned in my past posts, you always need to find that support group who can help you if not financially, at least, emotionally. I always tell my friends first when something concerns my daughter. They are the ones who analyzes situations for me and help me decide what's best. My family I turn to when I have decided and I need them to help me financially or just be there to help any time I need it. 

There will still be many days in the future that you would have these worry days. As your child/children grow, the level of worrying increases. In the 15 years that I have my daughter, I still worry about everything when it comes to her. That is why I admire those who have 2 or more kids. That's worrying times 2 or more! LOL!

Keep Calm my dear only parent. We Can Do THIS! 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Alone and Free

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I am 40 years old, single and the only parent to my 15 year old daughter. My mom still wishes me to marry. My friends still teases me from time to time about finding the one and no one wants to believe that I am happy by being single. BUT I AM!!! I am happy without having someone beside me. I am happy being free. I have tried living with a guy but looking back, I don't think I can do it anymore. It's just too much for me. 

Or maybe, I am getting old. I don't want to start over again and build a relationship. Maybe I was just too wounded the first time and I don't want to test the waters again. I really don't know what my reasons are but what I know for sure is that I am not the marrying type. I am not a wife material. I like my freedom. I like doing things without having to ask permission. I want to live life the way I want to. 

So, does it make me pitiful? Of course not. Most single/solo parents dreams of finding the right one for them after one or a few failed relationships. They can't be alone. I respect that but please don't do it just because you want someone to be with you. Use your head the next time. Be smart about it. And for those like me who enjoy freedom more, CHEERS!!! We are living the good life!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Needs and Wants

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Here is something that will make you think from time to time. When our children were little, it is us who decides the needs and the wants. As they grow older, they would sometime ask for things that they want. It may be the latest gadget, the fashionable clothes and the trendy bags. As the only parent, you may not be in the best position to give everything they need and want. But hey, don't be guilty about it. It is important that you try your best to give the needs and explain to your children the concept of want. Believe me when I say that they will understand as long as you explain them over and over again why they can't always have what they want. You can also use this time to teach them the concept of money - how you can earn, save and spend them. 

Make every problem solving situation a learning experience. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Past, Present and Future

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By now, you should have let go of the past because we all know that we cannot do anything about it anymore. The present is more important as you want  to do the best that you can to nurture and bring up your child in a loving environment. While you are planning the things you have to do today, do not forget to plan ahead and make sure that the future of your children is secured. But how do we do that?

Right now, I am worried. Yes, you heard me right. I am worried for the future of my daughter. She is now in high school and every tuition payment day, I find myself worrying more and more. I am afraid that I would not be able to pay the school's tuition on time. This has been a constant worry that I have to endure every school year. Hearing that college tuition fees are more than double what I pay today, I am starting to get scared. My salary is still not enough for us to live comfortably and yet, everyday of my life, I worry about not being able to pay my bills and not having enough for life's necessities. 

Today is one of those days. My daughter is now in Grade 8 and 4 more years, she'll be in college. By that time, I should have at least saved for 2 years of college fees. Although I still don't know how I will do that, I'll stay positive and pray that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my daughter's education...

Until then... I will just save and save and save...

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Decisions for Life

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Making decisions regarding your child/children can be hard at times when you are the only parent. It can be a hit or miss thing but you have to be tough and decide according to your conscience. You will not be able to consult a significant other when the time comes but hey, if you are friends with the dad, go ahead and discuss things with him first before deciding. 

Me, I decide and tell the dad after. LOL! It may seem funny but I think that it is my right to decide for our daughter since I am the only one caring for her. I make the decisions and I just tell the dad if I want to. Otherwise, I am pretty much confident that I'll make the right ones for my daughter.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

The Middle Ground

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Being friends with the other parent is achievable. That is if you are not abused in any way. After a few months or even a few years, you will be able to accept all the things that happened between you and your ex significant other. By this time, you can have a decent conversation with your ex and you can talk about your children without shouting at each other.

Since me and my ex separated, I always thought that we can stay as far away from each other as possible. However, since we have common friends, we always see each other during parties and get-together. You can always feel the tension in the room when we are both there. I don't know the exact time and date, but eventually, we would text each other and start talking when we are together. 

Now, I can say that I have finally left everything behind. I felt that a big rock was lifted off from my shoulders. I am not bitter anymore and I treat him like a brother now. All's well that ends well.

Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Glad to Have Let Go

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Another year have passed and my daughter just turned 14. So what did her dad do? Well, he grabbed photos from my FB account, posted it on his to greet his daughter a happy birthday. That's about it! Nothing really change from past years.

Should I be bitter about it? NO! A big NO! Why? Because it really don't matter to us now. The thing about being the only parent is that you don't need to rely on a partner to make your child happy. Your child or children on the other hand doesn't need a father to be loved. I am lucky because my daughter is surrounded by people who love her. I have my parents, my siblings and my friends who make sure that she gets lots of love and affection. And my daughter is lucky to have all of these.

So please, do not worry about your child's future even if a dad is not around. It will be hard at first but as time passes, you will be glad to have let go.


Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Special Occasions and Celebrations

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This is probably the best thing if you are the only parent. You get to choose where you want to spend special occasions. There will be no arguments where you should be on Christmas and where you should celebrate the New Year. For all the years I am a mother, I spent only 2 Christmases and New Years without my side of the family. It was boring! 

For the past 12 years, I spent special occasions without needing to check if we have to spend them on the EX side. Actually, EX would ask her daughter to spend Christmas or New Year with them. But my daughter doesn't want to. And since I don't want to spend special days without her, I don't encourage her to go. So tough luck! Hah! 

So, if you are the only parent, be glad that you don't have to skip occasions to go to his side of the family. It is such a blessing that there will be no arguments from now on. 

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Enjoying the Holidays and other Occasions

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Okay. So there are occasions where a father present can make your child happy. Aside from the usual holidays like Christmas and New Year, you have to deal with Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Graduation and Family Day in school. So what do you do? 

If you are on speaking terms with EX, you can tell him about these occasions. Normally, the school will give a calendar of activities the first month school starts. What I do is text EX all the dates that require parent participation. Then, I just let him decide if he wants to go or not. The most I can do is inform him lest he accuse me of not letting him be involve in his child's life. 

Now, if the father of your child is non-existent, make sure that you are present in all events and occasions where your presence is needed. You can bring grandparents, uncles, aunts and whoever your child sees often. This will make your child feel important and more secure during these times. When you are surrounded with family, there is no reason for you and your child to feel left out. 

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Knowing the Dad

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Not letting your children know their father is a no-no for me. A bad relationship with your EX does not justify letting your child grow not knowing their dad. Except of course if the father is the one who doesn't want to know his child. That is another story to deal with. 

Obviously I am not married. EX signed my daughter's birth certificate acknowledging the fact that he is the father. My daughter knows everything about her dad and I let her choose if she wants to go out with him or not (Fortunately, she doesn't). The dad on the other hand is also not keen on looking after her. He just ask about her from time to time and see her thrice a year the most. But life goes on for us. No hard feelings and the family ties are still there. 

So let me spell it out for you. Let your child choose once he/she is of age already. By 3 or 4 years old, a child can understand things already. You need not fear what might happen if they see their dad or what-not. There is no reason for you to bad mouth their father, no reason to not let them know their father and no reason for you to let their father be a dad to your child. BUT if the father don't want to know their children, please don't force the issue. It will not be worth it. 

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Dealing with School Children

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Now that we are done with the issue on surnames, we now tackle the issue on schooling. Here is the thing - please don't beg for financial support from your EX. If your EX is really a good dad, he already knows what he should do. If he doesn't do anything, it is telling you that he really don't want to be a dad to his child. Don't stoop down to his level and beg. Please don't...

If you cannot afford to enroll your child in a reputable, expensive school, then go for a school that you can.afford. There is no need to go high and mighty and enroll them in a school which will give you headaches when tuition time comes. You need to be realistic and carefully choose the right school. There are a lot of things you need to consider. What you can do is list down the schools closest to where you live. Then you need to know who will bring your child to school and who will fetch him/her after. Then consider the tuition fee.

Another important thing to consider are school activities. This is important because you want to be there for programs, PTCs, sports fest and others. Save your office SL's and VL's for these events. I work for a small company where leaves are non existent so what I did during the hiring process is to tell them straight that I have to take a leave every time I am needed at my daughter's school. It was the only request I made when I accepted the job. It was really non-negotiable for me because I know that I am the only one who can attend the activities.

In school, you will meet a lot of co-parents. Don't be embarrass to say that you are the only parent involved in the life of your child. Your situation doesn't define you as a person. And the truth is, they wouldn't really care if they want to be friends with you. In fact, you should be proud because you can bring up your child all on your own. Here's a little secret - a number of parents you see have bigger problems to deal with compared to you. :) Most are separated and are together just for the show.

In summary, DON'T beg, DON'T pick a school you can't afford, DON'T be embarrassed with your situation.

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Life Goes On

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When you are pregnant and a life with your sperm donor (SD) is looking bleak, there is a good chance that you will be scared for you and your child's future. I AGREE! It is definitely a concern to all those who are left alone pregnant blues and all. I, too, felt that way during my pregnancy and even after giving birth. You want to work things out with your SD so you can have a happy family. I tried that too but failed. You see, I am not a domesticated person. Never been on and will never be. During those times I have to live with my ex after giving birth, I tried house cleaning, laundry, ironing, mopping and even cooking. I haven't done these things all my 25 years of existence during that time but I tried. I really, really tried. But these things are not supposed to happen. I changed for what I thought was for the better but when a person doesn't really love you, all the time and effort you are giving will not be worth it. So SHIT HAPPENS, so what do you do then?

Me? I left! Yes I left. I don't see our future with him so I left. We were not married and I have the luxury to just pack up and leave. Come to think of it, even if we were married, I would have done the same thing. I would just leave if we were not on the same maturity level. Being in love at that time clouded my better judgement. I went crazy for a while there but all the craziness stopped once I knew that it was not the life I wanted for me and my daughter. 

So why am I saying all these? Because I want you to know that it is okay to give up. If you are currently in a situation where you are undecided, please know that if you want to leave, just do it. Everything will work out just fine. Don't suffer with the pain. Let it all go and one day, you will just look back and say - I'm glad I left!.

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

Follow me on twitter : @TheOnlyParent4U

The Only Parent 4 U

I like reading forums where solo moms here in the Philippines are seeking advice for different problems that they are encountering. As being the only parent for more than 12 years already, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the issues they have. The truth is, most of their problems stems from their insecurities, from the little hope they have to be reunited with their significant other and for the fears that they shouldn't feel at all. Don't get me wrong, I may have thought about those things before but I already made the big leap years ago by facing problems head on. I don't stress myself thinking of the ifs, buts, and whys. I just do the best I can to make sure that my daughter will grow up not noticing the gap in her life.

Okay let me warn all my readers. I am a bitch when it comes to being direct. Do know that I don't like beating around the bush. I like being direct sometimes to the point of being tactless and bitchy. Please don't let it affect you especially when you are seeking answers to your questions. You don't need to follow what I say but in the future, if you decide to listen to me, then go for it. I may not know everything about being the only parent but rest assured that I know lots.

Much Love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)


follow me on twitter : @TheOnlyParent4U