We Can Do It!

Image courtesy of www.thesinglemommovement.com

I have been the only parent to my now 15 year old daughter for more than 13 years. It was a choice not to pursue my relationship with the dad knowing that it would take us nowhere. With this blog, I want to empower solo parents in their journey to independence. BUT don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce, annulment or separation. This blog is all about arming solo parents in their journey to solo parenting. There is no substitute for a "loving 2-parent family", however, we could not ignore the fact that more and more families are on their way to being separated. And The Only Parent is my way of saying - "WE CAN DO IT!"

So from this blog entry onwards, the "WE CAN DO IT" attitude will be front and center in all the articles I will be writing. Feel free to post your questions, problems and queries. I will try to reply the soonest possible time. 

As of today, I only have one social media site. Please follow me on twitter @TheOnlyParent4U

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Mom's Day!

Image courtesy of mothersdayimages2015.com

It's mother's day this weekend and I want to make a special greeting to all solo moms and dads as well. I noticed that my blog is mostly written for solo moms but most of them also apply to solo dads as well. 

I was out for a month for a vacation with my daughter. We had a great time together and although we don't have much financially, we were able to take this month long vacation with the help of family. I am telling you this because being the only parent, you would need the support of family and friends. Do not shut out people around you. Do not be too proud to think that you can do it alone because you can't. You will need the support of anyone who can help. This is to ensure that you can live an almost normal life without getting stressed out everyday. 

So this Mother's Day weekend, why not do something special for yourself? Go out and enjoy the day with your children. Or if you don't have the budget for it (which happens often - believe me I know the feeling), you can stay home and bond with your kids. Play a board game, cook together or whatever it is you can do to make this day more special. Build memories and enjoy!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Adapt!

image courtesy of www.likesuccess.com

I came across an article about an accident in a father-son school trip in one of the exclusive boys school here in Manila. But I will not dwell on that today. I was just wondering what happened to the students who lives in solo parent homes and do not have their father with them. Who do they bring to these activities? Or maybe they just don't participate. I'm curious and feels sorry for the students who don't have their dads with them.

I think schools in particular should adapt to the times. Single/Solo parent homes are now considered normal. There are children who are being taken care of by relatives because their parents are working abroad.There are children whose parents have passed. If you call an activity as a father-son, mother-daughter, father-daughter or mother-son activity, then it will discriminate those without mom/dads living with them.  Isn't it time for schools to plan activities that will not discriminate? I know that "discrimination" is such a strong word but the moment you disqualify a student in an activity where he/she cannot participate in, then that's discrimination to me.

If only school officials can educate themselves on what's happening to the outside world, we could all move forward and adapt to changes. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Alone and Free

Image Courtesy of hangoverini.blogspot.com

I am 40 years old, single and the only parent to my 15 year old daughter. My mom still wishes me to marry. My friends still teases me from time to time about finding the one and no one wants to believe that I am happy by being single. BUT I AM!!! I am happy without having someone beside me. I am happy being free. I have tried living with a guy but looking back, I don't think I can do it anymore. It's just too much for me. 

Or maybe, I am getting old. I don't want to start over again and build a relationship. Maybe I was just too wounded the first time and I don't want to test the waters again. I really don't know what my reasons are but what I know for sure is that I am not the marrying type. I am not a wife material. I like my freedom. I like doing things without having to ask permission. I want to live life the way I want to. 

So, does it make me pitiful? Of course not. Most single/solo parents dreams of finding the right one for them after one or a few failed relationships. They can't be alone. I respect that but please don't do it just because you want someone to be with you. Use your head the next time. Be smart about it. And for those like me who enjoy freedom more, CHEERS!!! We are living the good life!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Do Not Be Afraid

Image courtesy of www.sayingimages.com

I wanted to write this post when I heard over the radio about a woman whose husband, a police officer, was killed in the line of duty. She is afraid that her children will now grow up without the support and guidance of their father. I sympathize with this woman but I want all my readers to know that if you are in the same situation, Do Not Be Afraid. Losing the father of your children whatever the circumstance will not make your children less of a man or a woman. 

The manner in which a child becomes fatherless will make a huge impact but it will not hinder them from growing up right with the proper guidance and support. It will not be the end of the world for them and nothing will stop them from pursuing their dreams. Remember that there are families in the same situation yet they all survive the daily grinds of life.

The most important thing that an only parent must do is to keep calm and assess the situation. There can be instances when you think that a situation is hopeless without the other parent but believe me when I say that nothing is hopeless. You just need to know what your priorities are and you will be surprised how other people adapt to your situation. Do Not Be Afraid to face life head on and you will be amaze how you will come out of it. 

Much love.

The Only Parent (TOP)

TEEEEENAGERS!!!

Image courtesy of www.pinterest.com

I have a 15 year old at home and I don't know what to do. Well, I'm sure most of you who have teenagers are in the same boat as I am. Teenagers for moms are the hardest to understand. They can be talkative one day and clam up the next day. Talking to them is like talking to the wall. You don't get any reply and if you do, you can only hear a grunt which may mean yes or no. There are days when they don't want to come out of their room and lay in bed the whole day and there are times that they want to go out with their friends everyday as if they don't see enough of them in school. 

So what do we do? The truth is I don't know. But I can give you a few pointers that I have tried. For starters, when I see her at home, I'll greet her and see if her tone is a "don't talk to me" tone. If it is, I leave her alone and only call her to eat or if I have something important to tell her. If she is in a good mood, then, I encourage her to tell me how her day went and what she did that day or we just talk about anything or anyone she wants. However, I don't tolerate this behavior for more than 2 days at a time. I respect her moods but I don't tolerate it. After several run-ins with her when she was just starting to have her "moods", she now knows when to come down from it and talk to me.

Now let me tell you how I don't ruin her day. I try to adjust to her moods because I don't want any conflicts with her. REMEMBER that you have to respect them but don't let them abuse your tolerance. 

-We are not morning people so my daughter is the same. I wake her up for school but as much as possible, I don't talk to her while she does her morning routine. 

-When I hear a grunt reply on a question, it would mean she's not in the talking mode so I leave her alone for the moment. 

-When it's the time of the month she gets her period and  feels pain and just wants to lie in bed the whole day. I know this feeling so I leave her alone.

Hope this helps you understand your teenagers more.

Much Love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)