Past, Present and Future

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By now, you should have let go of the past because we all know that we cannot do anything about it anymore. The present is more important as you want  to do the best that you can to nurture and bring up your child in a loving environment. While you are planning the things you have to do today, do not forget to plan ahead and make sure that the future of your children is secured. But how do we do that?

Right now, I am worried. Yes, you heard me right. I am worried for the future of my daughter. She is now in high school and every tuition payment day, I find myself worrying more and more. I am afraid that I would not be able to pay the school's tuition on time. This has been a constant worry that I have to endure every school year. Hearing that college tuition fees are more than double what I pay today, I am starting to get scared. My salary is still not enough for us to live comfortably and yet, everyday of my life, I worry about not being able to pay my bills and not having enough for life's necessities. 

Today is one of those days. My daughter is now in Grade 8 and 4 more years, she'll be in college. By that time, I should have at least saved for 2 years of college fees. Although I still don't know how I will do that, I'll stay positive and pray that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my daughter's education...

Until then... I will just save and save and save...

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Decisions for Life

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Making decisions regarding your child/children can be hard at times when you are the only parent. It can be a hit or miss thing but you have to be tough and decide according to your conscience. You will not be able to consult a significant other when the time comes but hey, if you are friends with the dad, go ahead and discuss things with him first before deciding. 

Me, I decide and tell the dad after. LOL! It may seem funny but I think that it is my right to decide for our daughter since I am the only one caring for her. I make the decisions and I just tell the dad if I want to. Otherwise, I am pretty much confident that I'll make the right ones for my daughter.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

The Middle Ground

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Being friends with the other parent is achievable. That is if you are not abused in any way. After a few months or even a few years, you will be able to accept all the things that happened between you and your ex significant other. By this time, you can have a decent conversation with your ex and you can talk about your children without shouting at each other.

Since me and my ex separated, I always thought that we can stay as far away from each other as possible. However, since we have common friends, we always see each other during parties and get-together. You can always feel the tension in the room when we are both there. I don't know the exact time and date, but eventually, we would text each other and start talking when we are together. 

Now, I can say that I have finally left everything behind. I felt that a big rock was lifted off from my shoulders. I am not bitter anymore and I treat him like a brother now. All's well that ends well.

Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

The Teenage Years

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The hardest part of being the only parent to your children is maintaining a balance in your relationship. Their is no good cop/bad cop here. It's either they love you or they hate you. My 14 year old daughter is now in a stage where she doesn't talk much. She spends her time mostly in front of her laptop watching videos, tweeting and updating all her social networking accounts. Most of the time, she will only talk to me when she needs something. So what do I do?

Nothing really. I let her be as long as she doesn't step out of boundaries. It is important to let her know when I can be a friend and when I am the mom. I am thankful that I had a daughter because if I had a boy, I wouldn't know what to do. In the meantime, all I have to do right now is to make sure that she knows her limits and I have to snoop once in a while just to check if everything is alright with her.

I wouldn't know if circumstances will be different if her father is a constant figure in her life. However, since he is not, then all I can do is to try my very best to be both the dad and the mom - plus the driver, the nanny at times and a friend...

Much love, 

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Glad to Have Let Go

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Another year have passed and my daughter just turned 14. So what did her dad do? Well, he grabbed photos from my FB account, posted it on his to greet his daughter a happy birthday. That's about it! Nothing really change from past years.

Should I be bitter about it? NO! A big NO! Why? Because it really don't matter to us now. The thing about being the only parent is that you don't need to rely on a partner to make your child happy. Your child or children on the other hand doesn't need a father to be loved. I am lucky because my daughter is surrounded by people who love her. I have my parents, my siblings and my friends who make sure that she gets lots of love and affection. And my daughter is lucky to have all of these.

So please, do not worry about your child's future even if a dad is not around. It will be hard at first but as time passes, you will be glad to have let go.


Much love,

T.O.P (The Only Parent)

Special Occasions and Celebrations

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This is probably the best thing if you are the only parent. You get to choose where you want to spend special occasions. There will be no arguments where you should be on Christmas and where you should celebrate the New Year. For all the years I am a mother, I spent only 2 Christmases and New Years without my side of the family. It was boring! 

For the past 12 years, I spent special occasions without needing to check if we have to spend them on the EX side. Actually, EX would ask her daughter to spend Christmas or New Year with them. But my daughter doesn't want to. And since I don't want to spend special days without her, I don't encourage her to go. So tough luck! Hah! 

So, if you are the only parent, be glad that you don't have to skip occasions to go to his side of the family. It is such a blessing that there will be no arguments from now on. 

Much love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)