A big SALUTE

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The year 2015 is almost over and I can say that this has been one of the most tough and challenging year for me. Most of you might say the same thing but one thing is for sure - WE SURVIVED! That is something to celebrate about right? 

The truth is that it is harder for only parents to deal with everyday life. The challenge to balance our time with our work and our kids may seem too difficult at times but what can we do? We need to be up and about every single waking hour to provide and take care of our responsibilities. If you have accepted this fact of life, then it will be smoother for your from this day forward.

Let us all be merry and enjoy the holidays celebrating the birth of our Savior. Take some time to reflect on the year that was and move forward to a better year ahead. 

A big SALUTE to all parents who survived 2015!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Helicopter Parent

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I came across an article about the decline in student's resiliency and a facebook friend commented about helicopter parenting. I googled what a helicopter parent is and I realized that IT'S ME!!! 

hel·i·cop·ter par·ent

noun

informal

plural noun: helicopter parents

1. a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children.

A few weeks ago during a parent teacher conference at my daughter's school, I was given a letter written by my daughter in their English class. The letter was full of thank-you's from my girl but one thing that struck me was the word "stage mother". You see, my daughter will be 16 in a few weeks and I wanted to think that because of her age, she wouldn't want me hovering over her. She is in a stage where she wants her freedom and decide for herself. Reading about helicopter parenting, I now knew that by being a stage mother will not help her in becoming a better person. One day, she won't have me beside her and it is a good idea to start letting her go and make her own decisions. 

But even if I will slowly let her experience the ups and downs of life, I will still be behind her so when she calls out to mama, I will be there for her. 

Much love, 

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Part Time Solo Parent

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I have friends who are married but their husbands are either working in another place or working at different hours than the normal. I describe them as Part Time Solo Parent because most of the time, they are the ones doing the parenting at home. One day, one of them (the one whose husband works the night shift) called me. She was saying that she misses her husband especially at night when he needs to go to work. Her only companions at home are their children. She misses having someone to do chores, to talk, to bond and to sleep with at home. 

I say that instead of focusing on the nights that the husband is not at home, try to focus on the anticipation of a whole weekend with the husband. Make a to-do list. One day can be a family bonding time and one day can be a date night. Of course it will not be easy because of the many other things that needs to be taken care of BUT you still have the time and you should use it wisely. 

Anticipation and Time Management is the key to making more memories together.

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Keep Calm

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It has been a series of emotional roller coaster ride for me the last 2 weeks. My daughter has some health concerns and I am worried big time. I have been worrying since her last check up and she still has to undergo a series of tests in the very near future. Since I am the only parent, I turn to family and friends when deciding what to do. As I have mentioned in my past posts, you always need to find that support group who can help you if not financially, at least, emotionally. I always tell my friends first when something concerns my daughter. They are the ones who analyzes situations for me and help me decide what's best. My family I turn to when I have decided and I need them to help me financially or just be there to help any time I need it. 

There will still be many days in the future that you would have these worry days. As your child/children grow, the level of worrying increases. In the 15 years that I have my daughter, I still worry about everything when it comes to her. That is why I admire those who have 2 or more kids. That's worrying times 2 or more! LOL!

Keep Calm my dear only parent. We Can Do THIS! 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Sad Monday

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Yes, that is right. Today I feel sad. Why? Because there are many things in my life right now that is not going my way. But let me tell you that feeling sad is not only for us the only parent. People who have a whole family often have these kind of days as well. Do not relate being the only parent to sad days. We may feel this from time to time but it doesn't mean that we can't do something about it. I am writing this because I want you my dear readers to know that it is okay to feel this way. It is not something that only select people feel. Everybody has sad days. It may stem from anger, frustrations and even a bad hair day. The only solution to this is to think that tomorrow, the sun will shine again and another day will be given to you to tell the world that you are happy. 

Whatever it is that is making you feel sad today, remember that we can do this! Drown your sorrows away and believe that there will be more happy days to come...

Have a great Monday loves...

Much love,

The Only Parent ( T.O.P.)

Dream Big

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I was almost 26 years old when I had my daughter. I had to stop working because of the pregnancy and since I gave birth, I haven't been financially stable till now. When I turned 40 last year, I knew I had to do something about it. My daughter will be in college soon and I am not financially able to finance what she wanted to take. And now, a year later, I have not done anything to ensure a bigger income. My life is again turning into shambles due to problems beyond my control. All I have been doing is think of these problems, feel sad and sulk. 

Don't you think it's time for me to do something? YES! Let's do this! For those of you who are in the same boat, let's do this! Dream big! We can do it!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Ask Me!

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I have been the only parent for 13 years now and still I am no expert in solo parenting. But with this blog, I am able to enlighten a lot of parents like me. I have received a number of emails from my readers and some of them asked for guidance and advice regarding their situations. 

So, don't be shy dear readers. Ask me via the comment section or via twitter (@TheOnlyParent4U . Our exchanges may be able to help a solo parent in need. 

Thank you very much for the continued patronage. We can do this TOPs!

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)

Can I Do It?

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There are days when we question ourselves. Can I do it? Will I survive this? This is one of those days when I am trying to look at me and my daughter's future but all I see is haze. Something is bugging me for a long time now and it involves my daughter's future. How can I say no if it is what she wants. Can I afford it? The answer now is no but should I stop her? Should I try and change her mind? 

I will think about this dilemma for a long time but hopefully, it will all be okay. One thing is for sure, I will do everything in my power to ensure a bright future for her. 

I can do it!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Making the Right Decision

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How would you know if you are making the right decision for your child? I know that it is hard to decide if you are the only one weighing the pros and cons of a situation. However, you need not go through it alone. You have family and friends to help you in your decisions. You can even go online, do research and/or read online forums. It is relatively easy if you know where to turn to during these times. 

Let me give you an example. When I was looking for a high school for my daughter, I first checked for proximity. It was very important to me because I wanted to be there immediately for emergencies and other after school activities when school service is not available. Since there are a lot of schools nearby, I narrowed it to three and research the schools online. Of course I also have to take into consideration the tuition since I am the only parent paying for it. Then, I discussed the advantages and disadvantages of each school to other members of the family and some friends. And then, my daughter and I decided which school we wanted.

It was easy right? The important thing to remember when confronted with a situation is not to panic. If ever we make the wrong decision, we just have to move on and learn from it. Being the only parent is not a hindrance to us and our children. We should have the I can attitude and face life head on. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Back to School

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Vacation is over and it's now time for our kids to go back to school. I am pretty sure that by now you are thinking about how you can afford to pay the tuition, transportation and food for your school kids. Me, I shudder at the thought. You see I have been the only one paying for my daughter's school tuition since nursery. She's supposed to graduate High School next year but K to 12 came in the picture. So that is 2 more extra tuition payment for me. The problem is, I live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have those emergency money that I can withdraw from if push comes to shove. I don't have extra cash on hand and I don't have the budget for anything. 

This is the dilemma that most solo parents have. What do we do? Well, we just pray and hope that when the next payment is due, we will have the money to pay for it. I am not here to lecture you about saving for the rainy days. I am here to tell you that these things happen. No matter how much you are willing to save, there will always be something you need to buy. Most articles about saving money is only for those who have money to save. It is not for us who just don't have the extra cash. 

But there is still hope. We can do this. We just have to be more careful in our purchases and if possible, buy only when absolutely needed and if on sale. Good luck and let me know how you get by.

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)

We Can Do It!

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I have been the only parent to my now 15 year old daughter for more than 13 years. It was a choice not to pursue my relationship with the dad knowing that it would take us nowhere. With this blog, I want to empower solo parents in their journey to independence. BUT don't get me wrong. I am not advocating divorce, annulment or separation. This blog is all about arming solo parents in their journey to solo parenting. There is no substitute for a "loving 2-parent family", however, we could not ignore the fact that more and more families are on their way to being separated. And The Only Parent is my way of saying - "WE CAN DO IT!"

So from this blog entry onwards, the "WE CAN DO IT" attitude will be front and center in all the articles I will be writing. Feel free to post your questions, problems and queries. I will try to reply the soonest possible time. 

As of today, I only have one social media site. Please follow me on twitter @TheOnlyParent4U

Much Love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Mom's Day!

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It's mother's day this weekend and I want to make a special greeting to all solo moms and dads as well. I noticed that my blog is mostly written for solo moms but most of them also apply to solo dads as well. 

I was out for a month for a vacation with my daughter. We had a great time together and although we don't have much financially, we were able to take this month long vacation with the help of family. I am telling you this because being the only parent, you would need the support of family and friends. Do not shut out people around you. Do not be too proud to think that you can do it alone because you can't. You will need the support of anyone who can help. This is to ensure that you can live an almost normal life without getting stressed out everyday. 

So this Mother's Day weekend, why not do something special for yourself? Go out and enjoy the day with your children. Or if you don't have the budget for it (which happens often - believe me I know the feeling), you can stay home and bond with your kids. Play a board game, cook together or whatever it is you can do to make this day more special. Build memories and enjoy!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P)

Adapt!

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I came across an article about an accident in a father-son school trip in one of the exclusive boys school here in Manila. But I will not dwell on that today. I was just wondering what happened to the students who lives in solo parent homes and do not have their father with them. Who do they bring to these activities? Or maybe they just don't participate. I'm curious and feels sorry for the students who don't have their dads with them.

I think schools in particular should adapt to the times. Single/Solo parent homes are now considered normal. There are children who are being taken care of by relatives because their parents are working abroad.There are children whose parents have passed. If you call an activity as a father-son, mother-daughter, father-daughter or mother-son activity, then it will discriminate those without mom/dads living with them.  Isn't it time for schools to plan activities that will not discriminate? I know that "discrimination" is such a strong word but the moment you disqualify a student in an activity where he/she cannot participate in, then that's discrimination to me.

If only school officials can educate themselves on what's happening to the outside world, we could all move forward and adapt to changes. 

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Alone and Free

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I am 40 years old, single and the only parent to my 15 year old daughter. My mom still wishes me to marry. My friends still teases me from time to time about finding the one and no one wants to believe that I am happy by being single. BUT I AM!!! I am happy without having someone beside me. I am happy being free. I have tried living with a guy but looking back, I don't think I can do it anymore. It's just too much for me. 

Or maybe, I am getting old. I don't want to start over again and build a relationship. Maybe I was just too wounded the first time and I don't want to test the waters again. I really don't know what my reasons are but what I know for sure is that I am not the marrying type. I am not a wife material. I like my freedom. I like doing things without having to ask permission. I want to live life the way I want to. 

So, does it make me pitiful? Of course not. Most single/solo parents dreams of finding the right one for them after one or a few failed relationships. They can't be alone. I respect that but please don't do it just because you want someone to be with you. Use your head the next time. Be smart about it. And for those like me who enjoy freedom more, CHEERS!!! We are living the good life!

Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Do Not Be Afraid

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I wanted to write this post when I heard over the radio about a woman whose husband, a police officer, was killed in the line of duty. She is afraid that her children will now grow up without the support and guidance of their father. I sympathize with this woman but I want all my readers to know that if you are in the same situation, Do Not Be Afraid. Losing the father of your children whatever the circumstance will not make your children less of a man or a woman. 

The manner in which a child becomes fatherless will make a huge impact but it will not hinder them from growing up right with the proper guidance and support. It will not be the end of the world for them and nothing will stop them from pursuing their dreams. Remember that there are families in the same situation yet they all survive the daily grinds of life.

The most important thing that an only parent must do is to keep calm and assess the situation. There can be instances when you think that a situation is hopeless without the other parent but believe me when I say that nothing is hopeless. You just need to know what your priorities are and you will be surprised how other people adapt to your situation. Do Not Be Afraid to face life head on and you will be amaze how you will come out of it. 

Much love.

The Only Parent (TOP)

TEEEEENAGERS!!!

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I have a 15 year old at home and I don't know what to do. Well, I'm sure most of you who have teenagers are in the same boat as I am. Teenagers for moms are the hardest to understand. They can be talkative one day and clam up the next day. Talking to them is like talking to the wall. You don't get any reply and if you do, you can only hear a grunt which may mean yes or no. There are days when they don't want to come out of their room and lay in bed the whole day and there are times that they want to go out with their friends everyday as if they don't see enough of them in school. 

So what do we do? The truth is I don't know. But I can give you a few pointers that I have tried. For starters, when I see her at home, I'll greet her and see if her tone is a "don't talk to me" tone. If it is, I leave her alone and only call her to eat or if I have something important to tell her. If she is in a good mood, then, I encourage her to tell me how her day went and what she did that day or we just talk about anything or anyone she wants. However, I don't tolerate this behavior for more than 2 days at a time. I respect her moods but I don't tolerate it. After several run-ins with her when she was just starting to have her "moods", she now knows when to come down from it and talk to me.

Now let me tell you how I don't ruin her day. I try to adjust to her moods because I don't want any conflicts with her. REMEMBER that you have to respect them but don't let them abuse your tolerance. 

-We are not morning people so my daughter is the same. I wake her up for school but as much as possible, I don't talk to her while she does her morning routine. 

-When I hear a grunt reply on a question, it would mean she's not in the talking mode so I leave her alone for the moment. 

-When it's the time of the month she gets her period and  feels pain and just wants to lie in bed the whole day. I know this feeling so I leave her alone.

Hope this helps you understand your teenagers more.

Much Love,

T.O.P. (The Only Parent)

The Perks of Being The Only Parent

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Perks? Yes! You read it right. Being the only parent is not all about problems, expenses, stress, etc... Here are some of the perks:
1. My child, my rules (just me)
2. No need to seek permission to do what I want to do
3. I only need to take care of my child and that's it
4. Waking up a little late on weekends is love (because you don't need to wake up to fix breakfast for another person)
5. No chumming up with the in-laws
6. No excuse needed when going home late.
7. Compromising on wants, needs, and schedules is a thing of the past.
8. You can wear anything you like!

See? I told you. The perks more than make up for the disadvantages!

Carpe Diem!


Much love,

The Only Parent (T.O.P.)

Suitors!

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Calm down folks. We will not be talking about me here. This is for solo moms with daughters. How do you deal with it? Well, I have experienced it and my decision was questioned BUT I think I had the last laugh. You see, it is inevitable that our daughters will be courted. However, you have to be firm when you set the rules I believe that 15 is too young so 35 is the right age. LOL! I am just joking. Us parents should decide early on the age our daughters can be courted. Then let your daughter know and be firm about it. There may be bumps along the way but I am pretty sure that you can decide what's best for her.

Much love,

The Only Parent (TOP)